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Candorville

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161. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-01 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-01 Pub. Date: 2015-12-01
Image Number: 135924
Caption: Hey, Clyde, did you hear? Donald Trump's supporters beat and kicked a "Black Lives Matter" activist, and Trump condoned it. It's not quite "Brownshirt" level stuff yet, but it's certainly unamerican. Whachoo talking' bout, Big L? Civil war … Jim Crow … Mexican-American War ... Indians ... out-of-control cops ... gangs ... domesticated violence ... Beatin' down people you ain't like is as American as it get, bruh. I'm talking about Constitution-America, not America-America.
     
162. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-27 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-27 Pub. Date: 2015-11-27
Image Number: 135626
Caption: You know they're working on robots you can have nookie with? Aiight, bruh, that's it. C-Dog puttin' a stop to this train wreck right here. I done put up with your Star Track, an' your Babylon 9, an' your Yoda voicemail greeting, but this spit just got outta control. I'ma go get "Pookie" an' "Big Oatmeal" an' the rest of the boys, an' we gonna have a intervention. I didn't say I was going to buy one, or anything. Go home an' say goodbye to your Doctor Who toothbrush, bruh. Katrina's Ghost.
     
163. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-18 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-18 Pub. Date: 2015-11-18
Image Number: 135315
Caption: Whachoo gon' do for Thanksgiving, Big L? Visit momma. Lionel's almost three, and she hasn't seen him in months. She's going to be so surprised when I show up with my boy, a turkey dinner and flowers. She ain't know you comin'? What if she ain't there? Well, then me missing Thanksgiving would be HER fault ... and the only logical thing for Lionel and me to do would be to camp out at the theater and wait 'till "Star Wars" opens. I see what game you runnin' bruh. You ain't slick.
     
164. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-17 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-17 Pub. Date: 2015-11-17
Image Number: 135314
Caption: I know what you 'bout to say, bruh, an' I ain't wanna hear none of that. How could you possibly know what I'm about to say, Clyde? I known you since we was 6 months old, Big L. We done had every conversation we could possibly have. You gonna talk about science fiction. I could tell by the way you almost bouncin' on your toes, all giddy. I always know what you gonna say by the degree of geekiness in your stance. Old friends are the worst. It's a disgusting display, bruh.
     
165. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-09 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-09 Pub. Date: 2015-11-09
Image Number: 135006
Caption: What's your IQ, Clyde? Why you wanna know, Big L? If I say my IQ 108, you gonna think what I have to say ain't worth spit? An' if I say my IQ be 152 … what then, you gonna suddenly imbue erethang I say wit' fifteen layers of meaning, an' question what you always thought was our dynamic? I think I'd like to go with the 108. Good call, Big L.
     
166. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-03 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-03 Pub. Date: 2015-11-03
Image Number: 134722
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say … I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have no regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleanings. Just saying.
     
167. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-26 Pub. Date: 2015-10-26
Image Number: 134382
Caption: Hey Mister … what's the big deal about the new Star Wars trailer? Omigawd … I haven't seen so much emotion and tragedy and hope all at the same time since "Empire"! And it’s got acting! And it feels real! And it's got Leia and Han and Chewie, and everything that made Star Wars real to me even when I was seven! I've been waiting for this my whole life! My brother was right. Ask a really old guy about that trailer and he'll go nuts. You brother doesn't deserve real Star Wars.
     
168. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-25 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-25 Pub. Date: 2015-10-25
Image Number: 133804
Caption: Every time a cop shoots a black man, someone tried to change the subject by saying "Yeah but … black-on-black crime is a much bigger problem." Let's imagine they did that for everything. Let's do this. "Taxes are too high." Yeh but … your rent cost a lot more, so whachoo whinin' 'bout? "Politicians don't listen to us." Yeh, but ... men don't truly listen to women in they relationships. Deal widdat first, if you serious about people bein' heard. "The city should fix these potholes." Yeh but ... erytime a big meteor hit us, it make craters biggern all the potholes combined. How I'm supposed to take you serious about them potholes when I ain't never heard you say nothin' about them asteroid craters?
     
169. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-02 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-02 Pub. Date: 2015-10-02
Image Number: 133086
Caption: You look like Big Bird. Excuse me? No I don't. And didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers? You're not a stranger. You're Big Bird. I've been watching you all my life. I. Am. Not. Big Bird. Sing "Riding a Tricycle," Big Bird. I'm not going to ask twice. It's my day off, kid.
     
170. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-23 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-23 Pub. Date: 2015-09-23
Image Number: 132814
Caption: What're you going to dream about tonight, son? Macawoni an' cheeth. Lionel, you can dream about anything. Big choo-choo trains clickety-clacketying across the countryside … winged horsies flying you high above fluffy white clouds … spaceships flying you way up there beyond the stars! Judging my dweams may give me a compwex. What the -- ? Where do you learn these things?
     
171. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-22 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-22 Pub. Date: 2015-09-22
Image Number: 132813
Caption: Come one, little man, eat your Brussels sprouts for daddy. No! If you DO eat your Brussels sprouts, you'll grow big and strong. No! If you DON'T eat your Brussels sprouts, you'll grow up short and puny. No! So what you're saying is positive appeals fail just as often as negative appeals. No!
     
172. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-26 Pub. Date: 2015-08-26
Image Number: 131715
Caption: Can I use your computer when you done, Big L. No, Clyde. With just a few clicks, you'd have access to my journal, my bank account, my photos and my browser history. Or you could download a virus or do something illegal and I'd get blamed for it. When have I ever done anything like that today? Forget it.
     
173. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-25 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-25 Pub. Date: 2015-08-25
Image Number: 131714
Caption: Why we be watchin' a home improvement show, Big L? We both renters. Why'd you turn it to business news? Neither of us got no investments. Why'd you turn it to "Facts of Life" reruns, both of us men, dawg. You want me to turn it to "I owe Big L $2, I'd better pay him back"? Quiet. Tootie 'bout to say something.
     
174. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-24 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-24 Pub. Date: 2015-08-24
Image Number: 131713
Caption: I can't get to sleep, Clyde. Say what, Big L? When we were kids and you slept over, we'd talk about aliens and stuff all night if we couldn't get to sleep. Yeh, but uh … when you grown and you can't sleep, you call a woman, not no 'nother dude. That's kinda ... you know ... You think aliens are ever homophobic? Last thing I wanna hear when I'm in bed is a deep voice.
     
175. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-22 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-22 Pub. Date: 2015-08-22
Image Number: 131279
Caption: When you think about it, bruh, people got a simplistic idea of what "virtue" is. For example, people never stop to think that it's actually virtuous to make sure don't nobody find out about the bad you do. It shows you know you was wrong, an' it also shows you care deeply about people feelings. What did you do, Clyde? Don't try to destroy my virtue, Big L.
     
176. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-18 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-18 Pub. Date: 2015-08-18
Image Number: 131275
Caption: I don't see why you wanna buy a house, Big L. Because that's how families build wealth. I want to own something I could leave to my son that'll change his life. Yeh, but then you gotta sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life. I have more faith in my son than that, Clyde. Make sure you write a living will, is all I'm sayin'.
     
177. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-09 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-09 Pub. Date: 2015-08-09
Image Number: 130320
Caption: Little Tyrant Pizza … Can I take your order? Yeh. Gimme one of them Big Mac combos. Are you serious? We don't sell Big Macs, sir. We're a pizza parlor. When you deliver them pizzas, you be drivin', right? … Yeah. So on your way back from deliverin' your next pizza, go on through that McDonald's drive-through an' pick me up a number one, with no onions. I can't do that, sir. What, you ain't wanna earn some extra bills on the side? What wrong with you? Well ... Ok, I guess I can. While you at it, I got some draw's in the laundromat should be finished right 'bout now.
     
178. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-06 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-06 Pub. Date: 2015-08-06
Image Number: 130586
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? Anything but Sesame Street. My don't crazy about it. Sometimes he says "watch Elmo" over and over again for hours until I finally give in and turn it on. If I hear "La la la la la … La la la la … Elmo's world" one more time, I just might throw the tv into the East River. Parent be trippin'. Elmo should be considered a class 2 drug.
     
179. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-26 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-26 Pub. Date: 2015-07-26
Image Number: 129550
Caption: I just started reading the book "2312." It starts on Mercury, where we built a city that constantly travels along rails to avoid the cataclysmic fire of the sun. It's hard to remember we're even capable of that sort of thing. We don't even build the world's tallest buildings anymore. We don't build much of anything. We barely even fill potholes. Once upon a time, we thought big. We built bridges. We carved new rivers. We sent men to the moon. But we've stopped thinking big. Did you know Saudi Arabia's building a tower that's almost twice as tall as our tallest building? Saudi Arabia ain't part of "we"? It ... That's not what I ... Oh, shut up.
     
180. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-25 big 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-25 Pub. Date: 2015-07-25
Image Number: 129961
Caption: You know what the history books don't tell you? They don't tell you about any big conspiracy theories. We know our era's big theories: The CIA shot Kennedy … We faked the moon landing … Bush caused 9/11 … Don't you ever wonder what the big conspiracy theories were centuries ago? No. What if the ancients thought the burning of the library of Alexandria was an insurance scam?
     
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