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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-26 |
| Image Number: |
177771 |
| Caption: |
One of my readers asked me Why do I sense such anger in you? What'd you say? I said That's probably because I'm not a sociopath. I said When people die because they can't afford health insurance, I care. When we tell kids they're nothing without college and then saddle them with loans they can never repay ... I care. When people figure out all sorts of ways to keep black people from voting, I care ... When poor people are being lied to about whether their water is safe to drink, I care. When our President separates toddlers and babies from their asylum-seeking mothers for months, I care. And because I care, I'm angered. I bet being a sociopath is relaxing. I'll relax when there's not more police brutality. Shut up, I'm trying to relax.
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-04-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-04-27 |
| Image Number: |
177328 |
| Caption: |
C-Dog, I'm worried the stock market will crash. Should I old or sell? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice 50¢. I get that question all the time. Here what you do: Pull out all your money … an' take it down to the alley between 42 an' 43 Vernon Street. Ask for Big Oatmeal, he offer alternative investments that give you better odds. E'rethang from dice, to dominoes, to chicken fights. Chicken fights? It's important to diversify.
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-04-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-04-08 |
| Image Number: |
177113 |
| Caption: |
California accounted for 75% of all new jobs in February. Pareto Principle. It's how the world works. 20% of the people own 80% of the land. 20% of my clients give me 80% of my sales. I bet if we studies it, we'd find that 20% of what happens to us gives us 80% of our memories. Technically, California only has 12% of the population, not 20%. 20% of the time, you get 80% of the point.
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-01-19 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-01-19 |
| Image Number: |
175845 |
| Caption: |
I've never had so many people tell me to go !@#$ myself in my whole entire life, Susan. All I did was write an article called It's Time to Make Private Schools Illegal. You did what? The theory is, if the children of millionaires and billionaires had to go to public school, you can bet they'd make sure our public school systems were amazing. It's not a bad idea. Half the comments I got misspelled !@#$. So I wrote another article about how that proved my point.
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-01-15 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-01-15 |
| Image Number: |
175841 |
| Caption: |
Hah! You race-baiters got owned! I read your article last week about that little black girl who got shot. How embarrassing for you. When the police said the suspect was a white man in a truck, you all wanted to talk about racism. But it turned out the real shooter was a couple of black guys. Now you're talking about guns and gangs, but not one mention of racism. It's normal to chance your focus when you get new facts. Ha! You flip-flopper. Bet you wish you hadn't made such a big deal out of a little girl getting shot.
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-01-12 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-01-12 |
| Image Number: |
175741 |
| Caption: |
This country's overrun with people who hate talking about racism more than they hate racism itself. I wrote an article about a breaking story. I called it White Man in a Pickup Truck Shoots into Black Family's Car, Kills Seven-Year-Old. Hundreds of people replied Why do you have to bring race into it? Bet they came up with all kinds of excuses. On of them said Some pickup-truck drivers just really don't like cars.
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-05-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-05-04 |
| Image Number: |
171056 |
| Caption: |
I read our article about how lead poisoning might be one of the main causes of violent crimes in Chicago and other cities. I liked the cost-benefit analysis part the best … where you compared the cot of replacing our cities' lead pipes vs. the cost of incarcerating criminals who were raised near those lead pipes. I bet you're going to win a Pulitzer for this one, Lemont. I wonder if there's any lead in that trophy.
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-03-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-03-08 |
| Image Number: |
169166 |
| Caption: |
I had a strange day today, Susan I totally know how that is … My day was strange, too. On the one hand, I landed the Ask Sadie Radio Show account. And I got a huge bonus. On the other hand, I discovered an underground gambling ring where people bet on how many cups of coffee I'll drink my noon. It's annoying when someone pretends to sympathize with you just so she can change the subject to her. I totally know how that is ...
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-03-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-03-05 |
| Image Number: |
169163 |
| Caption: |
What Donald Trump up to now, dawg? That fool crazy. I don't know what Donald Trump's up to, Clyde. I refuse to keep paying him any attention. I don't slow down to watch accidents on the freeway, I don't watch reality shows, and I don't think about Trump. I'm above all that. If he said at 10:04 this morning he'd wanna ban all Muslim immigrants, I bet you'd know about it by 10:05. He already ... um ... never mind.
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-02-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-02-02 |
| Image Number: |
167921 |
| Caption: |
1980. I don't think I like that Luke Skywalker can fly. What do you mean? Jedi can't fly. That's silly. Then how come he flew up out of that carbonite pit when Vader tried to freezify him? And how come he changed direction while he was falling on Cloud City and flew right into that trash chute? None of that happened. Yes it did! (Sigh) You didn't even notice it 'cause movies always show men doing amazing things. I bet if Princess Leia were to ever fly, men everywhere would get their Underoos all in a bunch over it. You don't give us men enough credit.
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-12-28 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-12-28 |
| Image Number: |
166536 |
| Caption: |
I saw that review of The Last Jedi you posted, Big L. You need to cut that out. You said it made you feel like a kid again. You said Luke Skywalker was amazing. You said it was the bet thing since Empire. Then I saw the movie. That spit was the worst thing since Phantom Menace. Your Jedi mind tricks ain't gonna change that. A positive review isn't a Jedi mind trick just 'cause you disagree with it. Your headline was this is the Star Wars you're looking for.
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-12-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-12-25 |
| Image Number: |
166533 |
| Caption: |
Merry Christmas … Yeah, I said it. Put that in your secularist pipe and smoke it. #LOL! #Youlose. Bet that really gets you upset, doesn't it? Not really. I love Christmas. I'm having a Christmas party tonight. My little boy's going to be an elf. I'm going to be Rudolph the Reindeer. Yeah, right. Like I believe that ... Would you like to come? Yes ... I mean, someone has to prove your "party" is a ruse!
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-10-31 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-10-31 |
| Image Number: |
164416 |
| Caption: |
Someday we'll develop a telescope powerful enough to see other worlds. That's setting ourselves up for heartache. You know what I mean? No. But I bet you'll geeksplain it to me. Imagine we fall in love with a cute alien panda-bunny we see bouncing through trees on a planet that's 500 light years away. That means we're seeing what it did 500 years ago, That means it's dead now. See? You did it. You owe me $2. That's not how bets work. I bet it is.
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-10-15 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-10-15 |
| Image Number: |
149614 |
| Caption: |
It's been a year since that magical night we spent near the lighthouse, and in jail … but Vancouver and I have been texting and Skyping almost every day since. Now I’m going to see her again in just six hours. I bet there'll be actual electricity when we touch. It's good that you're tempering your expectations.
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-07-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-07-01 |
| Image Number: |
145232 |
| Caption: |
Rosencrantz, I think there was a diversion yesterday, and we let it slip away unexplored. Will eat for food. Speak for yourself, Tyrone. I seized the opportunity. I exploited it for all it was worth. For the first time in days, I experienced laughter. I experienced joy. I experienced satisfaction. Not directly, I mean. I saw another man experience it. Bet that's just the same, when you think about it. I'm jealous. That's something, at least. |
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16. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-02-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-02-02 |
| Image Number: |
138593 |
| Caption: |
The Double Date. So … you and Susan seem happy.* *I'm her best friend. I'm the one who'll keep making her happy long after she's dumped you. Oh, yeah.* *You're her "friend-zone guy." You wish you could be me right now. Sigh.* *We do things together I bet you wish you could do together. You want another drink? I'm buying.* *I hate you with the intensity of a thousand suns. |
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17. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-12-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-12-17 |
| Image Number: |
136533 |
| Caption: |
I had a strange day today, Susan. I totally know how THAT is … My day was strange, too. On the one hand, I landed the "Ask Sadie Radio Show" account. And I got a huge bonus. On the other hand, I discovered an underground gambling ring where people bet on how many cups of coffee I'll drink by noon. It's annoying when someone pretends to sympathize with you just so she can change the subject to her. I totally know how THAT is... |
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18. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-12-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-12-14 |
| Image Number: |
136530 |
| Caption: |
What Donald Trump up to now, Dawg? That fool crazy. I don't know what Donald Trump's up to, Clyde. I refuse to keep paying him any attention. I don't slow down to watch accidents on the freeway, I don't watch reality shows, and I don't think about Trump. I'm above all that. If he said at 10:04 this morning he'd wanna ban all Muslim immigrants, I bet you'd know about it by 10:05. He already ... um ... never mind. |
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19. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-09-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-09-29 |
| Image Number: |
133083 |
| Caption: |
You realize it's the year 5776 on the Jewish calendar? It doesn't feel like it's 5776. In 5775, we should have already cured all sickness, repaired the environment … defeated the robot uprising, colonized every planet in the constellation Cygnus … and given casinos to all the native life we displaced there. C-Dog don't gamble, bruh. |
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20. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-02-22 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-02-22 |
| Image Number: |
122695 |
| Caption: |
"Your thigh bone's connected to your hip bone … Your shoulder bone's connected to your neck bone … Your neck bone's connected to your head bone … Now hear the word of the Lord!" James Weldon Johnson wrote that almost 100 years ago. Yeah, well … I still don't see why it's James Weldon Johnson's fault you just had to pay $5,000 to get your teeth fixed. It's obvious, Lemont. For 100 years, they've been indoctrinating us at an early age into not considering teeth to be an integral part of the body. That's what lets health insurance get away with not covering dental. I bet the HMOs paid the guy not to even mention the tooth bone. It's the only explanation for such a glaring omission. First of all, I'm not sure "tooth bone" is a thing ... which is proof that a century of brainwashing works. |
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