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81. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-04 Pub. Date: 2019-06-04
Image Number: 177953
Caption: I can't wait to watch Star Trek: Picard. The teaser trailer made it pretty clear the show heavily involves the destruction of Romulus from J.J. Abrams 2009 film. That's going to tick off all the Abrams-haters who've been whining ever since 2009. I. Cannot. Wait. I thought Star Trek was all about a future where people aren't petty anymore. I'm all for eradicating pettiness after I get this last dig in.
82. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-03 Pub. Date: 2019-06-03
Image Number: 177936
Caption: I need to supplement my income. Would driving for Uber be a good idea? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. 'Fore I begin, bruh, full disclosure … I own a lot of Uber stock. But that in no way affect what I say about it. When I give advice, I couldn't care less whether it make me money or cost me money. I'm offended you'd even entertain the notion. I hard some Uber drivers actually lose money. Fake news.
83. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-02 Pub. Date: 2019-06-02
Image Number: 177793
Caption: I've noticed a 25.9% uptick in impeachment talk among the patrons. I hadn't noticed. I've also noticed your complete and utter failure to depict those talking about it as sore losers … As delusional, evil, insane cretins having temper tantrums. So what if my disgraced former lawyer says he bribed the city council on my behalf to forbid any cafes but mine within city limits? What about the phenomenal job growth I've caused? I now employ you, a Roomba and, allegedly, nine out of ten city council members. Now get out there and pit our patrons against one another by declaring this witch hunt to be an illegal coup. And remind them you can't impeach a cafe owner for creating a great underground economy. Very bad man.
84. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-01 Pub. Date: 2019-06-01
Image Number: 177798
Caption: There gonna be a whole generation of elbow arthritis. We evolved to be hunters an' gatherers, bruh. Not to hold phones and iPads right up to our faces. You gotta outstretch your arms once in a while, Big L … because that way it's easier for you to see my passwords? Would you rather secure your bank account? Or would you rather end up like this here?
85. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-31 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-31 Pub. Date: 2019-05-31
Image Number: 177797
Caption: 1982. Mr. Barnhouse must've really liked my art project. He said I should dedicate my whole entire life to it. It's a snow globe. And inside the snow globe is a little boy named Tommy Westphall. And Tommy is holding a tiny snow globe of his own. And inside Tommy's snow globe is an entire universe filled with people who each secretly have their own snow globes. And so on. I'm not sure Lemont, you should be committed for life means what you think it means. Mr. Barnhouse backed away slowly when he said it. That's a sign of respect.
86. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-30 Pub. Date: 2019-05-30
Image Number: 177796
Caption: Hello, me. I'm you from the future. I've come back in time to ask you to write in your journal more often. You know all those incredible little moments and all those profound or funny things your little boy says that make you think I'll never forget that? Well guess what? You've forgotten them all. Also, make sure you write about butterflies, panda bears and our democracy. Zzzzz.
87. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-29 Pub. Date: 2019-05-29
Image Number: 177795
Caption: Guess who walked into the offices of Fitzhugh, Fitzhugh & Fitzhugh today? The national security adviser. He said Military-Industrial Death Empire Corp is looking for help marketing their new product, Iran War. This is a big coup for us. McMahon, Tate & Stephens has been handling their advertising ever since the Spanish-American War. Congratulations.
88. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-28 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-28 Pub. Date: 2019-05-28
Image Number: 177794
Caption: Wachooneed, bruh? I got an encyclopedia, an almanac an' a walkman. What the … ? Nobody wants that stuff. Nobody's used any of those things in years. When most people want to get rid of old junk, they hold a garage sale. That's 'cause they amateurs. Whachoogot?
89. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-27 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-27 Pub. Date: 2019-05-27
Image Number: 177788
Caption: How come all your social media say you at the National Writers Society annual convention right now? You was there last week. You here now, bruh. Isn't it obvious, Clyde? I don't want burglars to know when I'm not in town. That's just paranoid, Big L. Since when is it paranoid to always time-shift my life by one week? There wasn't -- I mean, there prolly wasn't nothin' in your apartment worth stealin' no way.
90. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-26 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-26 Pub. Date: 2019-05-26
Image Number: 177771
Caption: One of my readers asked me Why do I sense such anger in you? What'd you say? I said That's probably because I'm not a sociopath. I said When people die because they can't afford health insurance, I care. When we tell kids they're nothing without college and then saddle them with loans they can never repay ... I care. When people figure out all sorts of ways to keep black people from voting, I care ... When poor people are being lied to about whether their water is safe to drink, I care. When our President separates toddlers and babies from their asylum-seeking mothers for months, I care. And because I care, I'm angered. I bet being a sociopath is relaxing. I'll relax when there's not more police brutality. Shut up, I'm trying to relax.
91. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-25 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177721
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking You get what you pay for. Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
92. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-24 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-24 Pub. Date: 2019-05-24
Image Number: 177720
Caption: Boss … Armstrong … I created a Trump Generator. You input questions, and it outputs random nouns and adverbs strung together with words like fantastic. I put it onling a few days ago, and already it's getting 500,000 visitors per day. I guess what I'm asking is, why do all Trump's answers all of a sudden end with Visit House of Jave Cafe. It's tremendous. It's run by a very smart man named Armstrong. I have no idea what you're talking aboutk. By the way, did you know Russian hackers are suprisingly cheap on Craigslist? Very bad man.!!!
93. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-23 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-23 Pub. Date: 2019-05-23
Image Number: 177719
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. Mad in Montauk, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java .Net Cybercafe. My husband and I are getting divorced, and it's gotten bitter and angry. The problem is, we have 43 mutual friends on Facebook, and he's being do unreasonable about which ones are rightly his. You're arguing over custody of your Facebook friends? What the @#$% is wrong with you people?! Obviously they're all yours. Everyone knows it's usually the woman who created the friendships in the first place. Also, I should get the kids, right?
94. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-22 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-22 Pub. Date: 2019-05-22
Image Number: 177718
Caption: Did you read that new interview with Donald Trump? I did not. Well, it gave me a brilliant idea. I stayed up for a week perfecting it. It's a Trump Generator for interviews. You ask it questions, and it gives you answers that are completely nonsensical gibberish punctuated by words like tremendous. That's going to save the media a lot of time. It's at bigly-answers-for-stupid-fake-questions-dot-com.
95. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-21 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-21 Pub. Date: 2019-05-21
Image Number: 177717
Caption: I lost my wallet here. Could you check lost and found? Sure. What's it look like? Oh, it's leathery, canvas, nylon-ish … blue-black gray-purply-greenish … It has a Visa-Mastercard-Amex-Discoverish cards and one-ten-fivey dollars in it. I keep an I.D. of a dear friend in it for sentimental reasons. Get out.
96. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-20 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-20 Pub. Date: 2019-05-20
Image Number: 177706
Caption: Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I can accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date my mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.
97. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-19 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-19 Pub. Date: 2019-05-19
Image Number: 177643
Caption: NASA found seven earthlike planets, Randy. Amazing times, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's not coincidence. There are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence???
98. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-18 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-18 Pub. Date: 2019-05-18
Image Number: 177625
Caption: Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
99. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-17 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-17 Pub. Date: 2019-05-17
Image Number: 177624
Caption: Why on earth would anyone want prisoners and ex-cons to vote?! What kind of message does that send to thugs hoodlums and murderers? Do you have any idea how many crimes have been avoided because the thuggish, homicidal maniac realized he might jeopardize his right to vote? Zero. I don't mean how many as in numbers. Don't be so literal. Sorry.
100. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-16 Pub. Date: 2019-05-16
Image Number: 177623
Caption: This just in: Because of us, one million species are on the brink of extinction. The food chain will collapse … Click … Measles outbreak. Scientists believe the virus has mutated, and evolved, and is now calling people to see if they're home. Click … Chocked to discover the beloved puppet may have been posting on white supremacist discussion forums ... Click ... Gillicaaaaan, the Skipper tooooo ... the millionaaaaire ... and his wiiiiiiiife ...
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