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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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341. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-17 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-17 Pub. Date: 2018-10-17
Image Number: 174493
Caption: You wanted to see me, boss? House of Java Café. Grand Opening! That's right, minion. My sources tell me a journalist has been looking into your new café's financing. My café? What do you mean? This is your café. Well, it is now, after you sold it to me for $1. but before that, you bought this building using money funneled to you through a shell company traced back to a Russian oligarch ... That's what the paper trail will show, anyway. How could you? Should've known he would never have given me that dollar without strings attached.
     
342. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-16 Pub. Date: 2018-10-16
Image Number: 174492
Caption: Rudy Park, my college roommate, sent me an evite to the grand opening of his new café. The zoning board declined to comment. So I filed a Freedom of Information Act request. Turns out the building was rezoned in the dead of night to permit a café, just hours after a huge payment from sources unknown landed in the zoning commissioner's 3-year-old son's savings account. Should I write the expose before I give Rudy a cafe-warming gift ... or after? Remind me never to send you and evite. What's the etiquette?
     
343. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-15 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-15 Pub. Date: 2018-10-15
Image Number: 174491
Caption: Is a journalist a journalist all the time? In other words: If I suspected an old friend was doing something shady … is it my duty as a journalist to expose it? Or is it my duty as a friend to look the other way? The latter. Definitely. No contest. Look the other way. Just to be clear, I'm not talking about you. On the other hand ...
     
344. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-14 Pub. Date: 2018-10-14
Image Number: 174287
Caption: My friend Miranda asked me what I thought of the outfit she was going to wear to Burning Man. It was very, very … revealing. How did that make you feel? Like she was toying with me. She made it clear twenty years ago that she just wanted to be friends. But here she was showing me something that she had to know would poke my furnace. You mean stoke your furnace. No, I mean poke. My furnace has been stoked since Freshman year -- it took me years to get that down from a raging inferno to a barely perceptible glow. I see. I think. So I juggled the furnace door to make sure it was locked, and then I stood there wondering if she was poking the coals to reignite them, or poking the coals to make sure they were dead. Or, maybe she just wanted a furnace's opinio -- can we not talk in metaphors? I'm confused. I welded shut the furnace door and turned on the A.C. just to be safe.
     
345. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-13 Pub. Date: 2018-10-13
Image Number: 174392
Caption: Ima Buvitall @imabuvitall. Turns out processed meat causes cancer. I've heard that. Makes sense meat's at the root of all our problems. After all, if nature intended us to eat meat, we wouldn't have to cook it. Valid point. Ima Buvitall @imabuvitall. That's what the anti-meatists want us to think, anyway. If nature didn't want us eating meat, it wouldn't have made us smart enough to invent cooking. I need a burger. Right @#$% now.
     
346. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-12 Pub. Date: 2018-10-12
Image Number: 174391
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, Because we raised your APR, your most recent automatic payment to Feudalbanc Massacard was short by one cent. So we've charged you a $75 late fee. Unless you have as many lobbyists in Congress as Feudalbanc does, there is absolutely nothing you can do other than pay up. To admit defeat, sign here: Lemont Brown.
     
347. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-11 Pub. Date: 2018-10-11
Image Number: 174390
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say … I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have to regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call Momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleaning. Just saying.
     
348. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-10 Pub. Date: 2018-10-10
Image Number: 174389
Caption: I think the worst part of being dumped is the thought that you'll just fade away. I mean, you go from being the most important person in someone's life, to being a memory. It's a slow death. You know that every day you become more and more of a distant memory. Until sooner or later ... you're just gone. One of my exes once told me that. I don't remember which one. Maybe you just have a bad memory, Lemont.
     
349. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-09 Pub. Date: 2018-10-09
Image Number: 174388
Caption: Did you hear the Ask Sadie show today? They were talking about breakups. Specifically, how to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. I find the best way to protect her feelings is to just disappear. Then she ain't cry at you or nothin'. Just 'cause you're not there to see her cry doesn't mean she's not crying, Clyde. Yeh it do, bruh. It one of them tree fallin in the forest things.
     
350. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-08 Pub. Date: 2018-10-08
Image Number: 174387
Caption: You know they're working on robots you can have nookie with? Aiight, bruh, that's it. C-Dog puttin' a stop to this train wreck right here. I don't put up with your Star Track, an' your Babylon 9, an' your Yoda voicemail greeting, but this spit just got outta control. I'ma go get Pookie an' Big Oatmeal an' the rest of the boys, an' we gonna have you an intervention. I didn't say I was going to buy one, or anything. Go home an' say goodbye to your Doctor Who toothbrush, bruh.
     
351. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-07 Pub. Date: 2018-10-07
Image Number: 174190
Caption: House of Java Café. Grand Opening. I come from a long line of warriors. Women from my family have served in all 49 World Wars. There were only two. You don't think the first world war was fought in 1914, do you? Let's take for instance, the so-called Seven Years War ... The year was 1750: My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma Sadie dared a Frenchman to build a house in the British Ohio River Valley ... yadda yadda yadda, all the world's great powers ended up fighting across five different continents. We've served similarly in every world war dating back to the epic struggle between the allied dinosaurs and the axis of invertebrates. Admit it: There've been more than just two world wars. There's no shame in admitting you were wrong. Ok. I was wrong. Loser! He's a loser! The loser admits it! Can't win.
     
352. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-06 Pub. Date: 2018-10-06
Image Number: 174293
Caption: So … you took it pretty hard when Judge Boosie Groperman got confirmed for the state Supreme Court. No I didn't. It's just … his supporters kept saying a man shouldn't be held responsible for what he did when he was seventeen. They got their way. And that sent a message. That's all I'm saying. I still don't agree that we should put all 17-year-olds on house arrest, Lemont. They got the green light. It's us against them, now.
     
353. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-05 Pub. Date: 2018-10-05
Image Number: 174292
Caption: I had to fire someone yesterday. I took no pleasure in it. Solace, though. I felt solace. And maybe a little satisfaction. And some bliss. Joy, contentment, revelry, gratification, tingles, amusement, giddiness, joie de vivre … titillation … but now pleasure. Sorry. That's ok, there's always next time.
     
354. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-04 Pub. Date: 2018-10-04
Image Number: 174291
Caption: Our meme division is taking fast, people. Some of our best labels are failing. Fear, Inc. Fear of being called a white knight or a social justice warrior aren't scaring men away from speaking up in support of women in online arguments anymore. It's dragging down the whole GDP. Don't be scared, sir. The gross domestic panic index is overrated as an indicator. That puts me at ease. you're fired.
     
355. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-03 Pub. Date: 2018-10-03
Image Number: 174290
Caption: Judge Groperman's supporters are really going to town on the woman who says he attacked her. I spend all night on Facebook defending her from the craziest, most hateful attacks. People called me a social justice warrior and a white knight, but I kept going. What for? Nobody changes their mind anymore. Changing your mind is so old-fashioned. You'll never get me to believe that.
     
356. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-02 Pub. Date: 2018-10-02
Image Number: 174289
Caption: I'm the one who brought in all our dark money accounts, sir. Especially Judicial Jerkpac. They hired us to create ads polishing off the rough edges of their favorite judicial nominees. But Judge Groperman is accused of sexual assault. I'm not sure you're the right man for this one, Garcia. I'm just as capable as any man of abandoning my principles to defend lowlife scum. It's called being a professional You mean alleged lowlife scum.
     
357. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-01 Pub. Date: 2018-10-01
Image Number: 174288
Caption: Sir, I saw you assigned the Judge Groperman account to Dick Fink. That's my account, sir. Why would you do that? Now that Groperman's been accused of attacking a woman, I thought maybe you would be more comfortable not handling his P.R. campaign. I see. Are you sure it's not because you're afraid I'll sabotage the campaign to make sure the state senate rejects his nomination? Yayle. I would never even think of doing such a thing. Clearly not. All cretins are innocent until proven guilty.
     
358. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-30 Pub. Date: 2018-09-30
Image Number: 174071
Caption: I read that dumb article you wrote, where you said we should have magical fairies deliver caramel-covered mountains of cash in sacks made of rainbows to every man, woman and child. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Don't do it … don't do it. That's not all what I wrote. I wrote that we should give our war veterans better access to health care, education, and job training. If you have to explain what you wrote, then what you wrote wasn't very clear. Gah!!!
     
359. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-29 Pub. Date: 2018-09-29
Image Number: 174196
Caption: Tyrone, for whom did you cast your vote? Anderson Jackson Perot Bradley Dean Sanders Chisolm. I figured that was the only candidate who chould create real change. Of course, Reagan Bush Gore Bush Kerry Clinton Nixon Clinton won, in the end. That one almost always wins. No change is always easier than change. Spare change?
     
360. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-28 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-28 Pub. Date: 2018-09-28
Image Number: 174195
Caption: I have to admit, Big L, you getting' better. You made two shots. In the right basket. I was proud, bruh. I was in the zone. It was like I was a leaf blowing on the wind. A pebble floating in the river … Almost nobody even laughed this time when you tried to dunk an' missed the rim. You noticed that?
     
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