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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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281. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-11 Pub. Date: 2019-02-11
Image Number: 176281
Caption: Well, look like I've single-handedly brought down our governor with my latest story. What? A source gave me an old video of him from law school, where he's wearing blackface, tap-dancing, eating a giant watermelon, and shouting where the white women at? Before he dons a KKK robe and sets fire to a cross while whistling Dixie through a hollowed-out bucket of fried chicken. The governor replied that he's sorry he didn't realize at the time how offensive that was. I'm going to miss Governor Weasly.
     
282. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-10 Pub. Date: 2019-02-10
Image Number: 175946
Caption: Dear Journalist, I read your article about how a bunch of studies show it's certain man is causing climate change, and that that's horrible. And just the next day, I read your article about all the ways we can terraform Mars. YOU'RE SUCH A HYPOCRITE. If man-made climate change it ok on Mars, why isn't it ok here on Earth? Huh? don't even bother replying, I will not read it. Dear Reader, I know you're reading this. Wrong. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
283. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-09 Pub. Date: 2019-02-09
Image Number: 176175
Caption: What's that? It's my second published book. It's call The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at My Local Café and Spends all His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet. It's just a bunch of empty pated. I know. Very meta, right?
     
284. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-08 Pub. Date: 2019-02-08
Image Number: 176174
Caption: boss, I'm more than just a cashier and a mopper-upper guy. What? If only you'll give me more of a decision-making rule, you'll find that I've got a lot of good ideas. Such as? I, uh … didn't really expect you to ask me right now. I sense a cash register that needs mopping.
     
285. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-07 Pub. Date: 2019-02-07
Image Number: 176173
Caption: Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.
     
286. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-06 Pub. Date: 2019-02-06
Image Number: 176172
Caption: What was life really like in the Middle Ages, Sadie? A lot like today. There were a tiny handful of filthy rich feudal lords, and a huge mass of poor peasants who were too ignorant to see what was going on. What? No, I didn't really want to learn anything, I was just calling you old. Let's try again ... How did the sky over your house look after that asteroid wiped out all the dinosaurs? It looked brown. A lot like today.
     
287. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-05 Pub. Date: 2019-02-05
Image Number: 176171
Caption: I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my entire worldview. The burrito, as most Americans know it, did not actually come from Mexico. Or maybe it did. The internet is of two minds about the issue. The point is, if you can't count on the burrito being Mexican, you can't count on anything. I have something to tell you about Chop Suey.
     
288. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-04 Pub. Date: 2019-02-04
Image Number: 176170
Caption: I've seen an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes. What on earth are you talking about, little buddy? I watched more than 80 movies last night on Hulu, for free. Are you talking about trailers? When it shows the beginning, middle and end, it's a movie.
     
289. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-03 Pub. Date: 2019-02-03
Image Number: 175839
Caption: I read your article where you bashed people who accuse Star Trek Discovery of being a Social Justice Warrior show. You wrote Star Trek has always been a show about social justice. The entire premise of the show was a ship full of people from all walks of life ... flying from planet to planet to enlighten bigots, fascists and all kinds of other (censored). But you're hopelessly biased. Of course you would want people to have a so-called open mind. Your grandmother was a call-girl. Don't bother denying it, I spent all night on Google figuring it out. She was a telephone operator ... That's what they called telephone operators. Your defensiveness means I'm right. That's science.
     
290. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-02 Pub. Date: 2019-02-02
Image Number: 176036
Caption: Akron, OH, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I never signed up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When Great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth hear attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.
     
291. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-01 Pub. Date: 2019-02-01
Image Number: 176035
Caption: Were I but a gossamer figment of they father's illumination … that I might reach for the golden moment … the singular image of that sweet glimmering night … then upon my breast I would beseech thee, do not speak kindly, but carry a dagger and consign thyself to havoc. I'm not convinced that you're quoting Shakespeare. I suspect you're stringing together a bunch of random words. Knaves! Fiends! Avail thyself of house and bitter rain and sleep no more.
     
292. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-31 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-31 Pub. Date: 2019-01-31
Image Number: 176034
Caption: Dick Fink is such a jerk. He suggested I pitch Aristotle as a celebrity spokesman to Smarty-Smart Genius Brain Academy. Aristotle was wrong so often. If I'd taken Dick Rink's advice, I'd have looked like an ignoramus. Which I'm sure was Dick Fink's plan. So I pitched it my way. They loved it. it went viral. It's a really funny ad campaign about how the desire to correct Aristotle's goofy ideas was the foundation of modern science. Kind of like how your desire to sabotage Dick Fink's sabotage is the foundation of your best ad campaigns.
     
293. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-30 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-30 Pub. Date: 2019-01-30
Image Number: 176033
Caption: Yesterday at work, I said Aristotle was a moron. Someone over heard me. They told a co-worker, who told another … By the end of the day, the office was bitterly divided into a pro-Aristotle and anti-Aristotle camps. Aristotle was wrong about everything. He though men were superior to women and masters were superior to slaves. He was wrong about physics, about chemistry, about biology, about psychology, about astronomy, and about social justice. As if our country wasn't divided enough, you had to mess around and start this. I'm not sure I can even respect the pro-Aristotle people anymore.
     
294. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-29 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-29 Pub. Date: 2019-01-29
Image Number: 176032
Caption: I'm sorry, Dick Fink. What was that you were saying about Aristotle? I was saying, he'd be a great spokesman for an ad campaign. You should pitch it to that big client you just landed. Smarty-smart genius brain academy? Exactly. What would impress them more than an entire campaign based on the wisest philosopher in history? Aristotle was a moron ... are you trying to sabotage me? You're scolding me. Aristotle said women were more apt to scold.
     
295. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-28 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-28 Pub. Date: 2019-01-28
Image Number: 176031
Caption: 1982. When I grow up, I want to be a famous philosopher, like Aristotle. Why Aristotle? Momma says he was a rabbit massagenist. That's probably why he was so smart. I've read that petting animals stimulates your brain. Lemont … I'm pretty sure misogynist is someone who's into misogyny. Oh ... I'm not sure I could even find a rabbit's knees. What? What?
     
296. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-27 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-27 Pub. Date: 2019-01-27
Image Number: 175735
Caption: Ever since the president announced he'd be pulling troops out of Syria, I've felt like some nefarious entity has put blinders on me. And I only see what they want me to see. Dr. Noodle. I spent all day channel-flipping between MSNBC, Fox and CNN … and reading all the usual newspapers ... and then it hit me ... I didn't read or hear a single voice saying we should not be militarily occupying other people's countries. It's as if the media's entire purpose is to pretend there is no dissenting opinion about our endless wars. Look what happened when Phil Donahue. He had the highest rated show on MSNBC. But as soon as he came out against invading Iraq, he disappeared! Anti-war voices in the media always disappear. That's a bit paran ... Hey ... where'd you ... ?
     
297. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-26 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-26 Pub. Date: 2019-01-26
Image Number: 175945
Caption: I got into an argument with someone on Twitter who tweeted that I argue on Twitter too much. M.A.
     
298. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-25 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-25 Pub. Date: 2019-01-25
Image Number: 175944
Caption: 1984. Momma says she really likes Gary Hart. She says he's got new ideas, but she won't vote for him. Why not? She says the only thing that matters is picking whoever can beat Reagan. And the party seems to think that only Mondale can beat Reagan. I hope she's wrong. If Mondale clobbers Reagan, the next eight years are going to be rotten. Why, Lemont? You can't rhyme as many funny things with Monday as you can with Reagan.
     
299. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-24 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-24 Pub. Date: 2019-01-24
Image Number: 175943
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I don't know what's happened to journalism? All the mainstream journalists went after me on Twitter. I wrote and article dissecting the voting records and the past actions of the people who CNN tells us are the Democratic frontrunners for the 2020 presidential nomination. How could you, Lemont! Now's not the time for that sort of thing. They accused me of being divisive ... and Russian.
     
300. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-23 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-23 Pub. Date: 2019-01-23
Image Number: 175942
Caption: Why you always arguin' with other journalists on Twitter, bruh? It ain't a good look. They call you a useful idiot, you call them a corporate stooge, don't nobody come out on top. Before you know it, you an' Anderson Blitzer gonna be throwin' hands, or havin' a dance-battle in that alley. Wait ... he and I were having a private argument. How'd you see it? That ain't important right now. Give me back my phone!!!
     
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