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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about bells.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-20 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-20 Pub. Date: 2018-11-20
Image Number: 175064
Caption: 1982. Do you ever get claustrophobic, Lemont? What's claustrophobic? I think it's the fear of tight spaces. It's why mama won't fly, or ride the bus, or ride in a car. She walks everywhere. That makes no sense. That should be tight-space-a-phobic. Claustrophobic should mean something else, like a fear of bear claws. Or a fear of Santa Claus. We should make up our own language. What kind of word is language? It should be talkuage.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-19 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-19 Pub. Date: 2018-11-19
Image Number: 175063
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Plane stuck on tarmac 2 hrs so far. No charging ports. Phone almost dead. May have to resort to conversation w/other human beings.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-18 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-18 Pub. Date: 2018-11-18
Image Number: 174714
Caption: It all started when I was a tiny kid. My grandpa made me get up on stage at the family reunion and sing. Dr. Noodle. He'd really built me up. Told everyone how great a singer I was. But when I looked out at the crowd of 200 or 300 people who were strangers to me ... I froze. The room was completely quiet and I saw 200 or 300 sets of eyes staring at me. Burrowing into my soul and holding me in contempt. I forgot all the words. I started to cry. And then I wet myself. The first step toward overcoming shyness is crawling out from beneath my couch. Never!!!
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-17 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-17 Pub. Date: 2018-11-17
Image Number: 174940
Caption: I was on the bus the other day, an' two dudes got to talking 'bout bein' 5150'd. One of them said 5150 is when the police haul you in 'cause you a danger to yourself, but 5250 is when you a danger to others. Other dude said Nah, 5250 just mean they get to lock you up in a hospital longer. First dude called second one started throwin' hands. Second dude turned out to be right. The bus cop who arrested him said No, this ain't no 5250, this here a 242, I'm thinking of a getting a car.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-16 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-16 Pub. Date: 2018-11-16
Image Number: 174939
Caption: I was up all night wondering what might have been, Susan. The lives we could have led … the things we could've done … how far we could've come by now. But it's just … it's just too late now, Susan. Not really. You could dump your girlfriend, and we could see what happens. What? How would my dumping Vancouver make it so that the Library of Alexandria was never burned down? I ... guess ... it wouldn't.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-15 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-15 Pub. Date: 2018-11-15
Image Number: 174938
Caption: You're a journalist … You've written a bunch of novels. But have you ever thoughts of writing poetry? Not in a million years. Why not? Wait … is this about what happened in second grade? Of course not, Susan. Just because a young boy stands up in front of the entire school and does a comedy routine in iambic pentameter, and nobody laughs even once ... doesn't mean he'll be traumatized, or anything. It wasn't 'cause it was a poem, Lemont. The room was just a little too old for droll observations about Muppet culture. I've asked you to never say Muppets around me.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-14 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-14 Pub. Date: 2018-11-14
Image Number: 174937
Caption: There once was a man from Nantucket … who fell in love with his sock puppet. But one fateful day, a bird whisked it away, so the man went and grabbed his musket. What does it say of me, Rosencrantz, that given the alternatives, I was actually relieved when you ended that limerick with gruesome violence? Spare change?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-13 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-13 Pub. Date: 2018-11-13
Image Number: 174936
Caption: Again to pass time, we'll speak only in haiku. Your turn, Rosencrantz. I detest haiku. I will never utter one … How 'bout limericks?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-12 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-12 Pub. Date: 2018-11-12
Image Number: 174935
Caption: Existence is cruel, Rosencrantz. And that is because of the nature of energy. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, so it must be stolen. For one creature to gain it, another creature or a plant must lose it and perish. To birth a star system and all its worlds ... a nebula must die. For a man to gain the good side of the sidewalk crack, his partner must lose it. Give it back. Your quarrel is not with me, Rosencrantz. It is with existence itself.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-11 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-11 Pub. Date: 2018-11-11
Image Number: 174713
Caption: How many people bought your new book, bruh? The Worlds Where They Never Stopped Minorities From Voting? So far it's doing well. I painstakingly went through every single election since ex-slaves won the right to vote … and matched polls and private journals with every recorded instance of voter suppression and every dirty trick from the moment reconstruction ended until today ... Several presidential races, dozens of Senate races, and hundreds of Congressional races would've turned out differently. Our nation's history would've been totally different if minorities were never robbed of their right to vote. It took me eighteen years of research and hard work to piece together alternate histories caused by each changed election outcome. Is there a alternate history where you done told me how many people bought your depressing book? It's doing well.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-10 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-10 Pub. Date: 2018-11-10
Image Number: 174825
Caption: Today, to pass time, we'll speak only in haiku. Your turn, Rosencrantz. Here's five syllables … and here's seven syllables … five more syllables.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-09 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-09 Pub. Date: 2018-11-09
Image Number: 174824
Caption: Do you ever feel, Rosencrantz, as if we're bearing witness to the nation's end? … as if we're sitting beside the hospital bed of an old, grizzled friend … who's about to breathe his final breath? That feeling would be ominous. I don't do ominous. That sounds ominous.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-08 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-08 Pub. Date: 2018-11-08
Image Number: 174823
Caption: Tyrone, how do you feel about the outcome of the election? I've been pondering that. At the first, I imagined I felt baffled. Or perhaps dismayed. Or boggled. Or mystified. Or bewildered. Or stymied. Or perchance, buffaloed … but I think I've settled upon nonplussed. Yes, nonplussed it is. I feel muddled. Just once, I'd like to feel non-minused. Spare change?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-07 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-07 Pub. Date: 2018-11-07
Image Number: 174822
Caption: 1982. Did your mommy vote yesterday, Lemont? Of course. Momma always votes. She said it's her civic doodie, which I found particularly hilarious. She asked why I was laughing. I said Momma, you just got through telling me there was a whole movement that led to you having that doodie. Don't tell me, she told you to stop it. Grownups just can't appreciate sophisticated humor.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-06 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-06 Pub. Date: 2018-11-06
Image Number: 174821
Caption: Neither party does anything for me. Why should I vote? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice 50¢. The answer simple, bruh: You shouldn't. Your vote is your voice. 'Least it the only voice a politician listen to. Best way to get a politician to listen to you is to now say anything.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-05 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-05 Pub. Date: 2018-11-05
Image Number: 174820
Caption: Have you voted, Tyrone? I tried, Rosencrantz. But I was purged. They said that I had moved, and I failed to register at my new address. But you haven't moved. You've been in this same alley for twenty years. They said my old address was adjacent to dumpster, but my new address is further away from dumpster. Well, did you at least vote provisionally? They said a rampaging pack of wildebeests devoured the provisional ballots.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-04 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-04 Pub. Date: 2018-11-04
Image Number: 174599
Caption: You can barely see any stars now, son. But when I was your age, I knew old people who say a sky full of stars when they were your age. No way.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-03 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-03 Pub. Date: 2018-11-03
Image Number: 174720
Caption: I read your stupid article about so-called voter-suppression. How is it discrimination if the rules apply to everyone? So what if Georgia's exact match system rejects your voter registration if any public servant ever typo'd your name in a state document? If it's good enough for John Smith, it's good enough for Mahershalahashbat Siddhartha. And not being allowed to vote without a street address doesn't just affect Native Americans on reservations ... it affects everyone who doesn't have a street address.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-02 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-02 Pub. Date: 2018-11-02
Image Number: 174719
Caption: Was the foster family child protective services put you with nice to you, son? Yes! We aw got the watch the Amewican fwag on tv, and we got to pwedge awegiance to Donawd Twump. You meant that the other way around, right? … right? I leawned to shoot a Kawashnikov and a wocket wauncher.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-01 bell 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-01 Pub. Date: 2018-11-01
Image Number: 174718
Caption: I'll tell you one thing, Susan, this is not the country I thought it was. When we were kids, I thought all the bad, unfair, horrible things were all in the past. I thought Martin Luther King, Jr., the Beatles, Muhammad Ali and Mr. Rogers came along and made it all better. I want my son to have the same tragically wrong illusions. It makes for a happy childhood. I still don't think you should cryogenically freeze him and they him out when all the crazy stops. I'm just researching whether it's possible. I haven't decided.
     
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