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Candorville

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41. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-11-12 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-11-12 Pub. Date: 2012-11-12
Image Number: 89717
Caption: You must be thrilled the President won. Zzz … Just think: Under a Republican president, it woulda been just like Bush all over again. Patriot Act … No civil liberties … No privacy … Click. Wha-whuwhuzat? Our records show you value your privacy.
     
42. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-24 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-24 Pub. Date: 2012-08-24
Image Number: 86186
Caption: "Ethics" is what you do when e'rebody watching … It's how you act in relation to how you supposed to act given yo' place in society. "Morality," on the other hand, is what you do when nobody watching. What did you do, Clyde. I'm a moral person. For all you know.
     
43. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-29 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-29 Pub. Date: 2012-07-29
Image Number: 84200
Caption: My brother used to collect DC Comics, while I collected Marvel. He always acted like his were so much better than mine. Dr. Noodle. "Superman could kick Spider-man's butt!" he'd say. One time he said … "What's that? Wolverine is jealous of Cyclops? Tell me about that later, I think The Flash is about to sacrifice himself to save the entire universe." But look what's happened: Marvel's superhero movies are SPANKING DC's. "Avengers" earned $50 trillion, while the last "Superman" flick made $42.50. All I asked was "Do you still feel inferior because your brother bought a house while you're still renting a studio apartment?" And all I'm saying is, you win some, you lose some.
     
44. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-02 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-02 Pub. Date: 2012-05-02
Image Number: 47223
Caption: If you ask me, Arizona gets a bad rap from all the waters. Sir … Slang …? No. So now cops are supposed to check the immigration status of anyone who looks like he shouldn't be here. It's all good. Stop it. So maybe you have to show some papers … If you have nothing to hide, then you'll have nothing but epic win. !Dios mio! !Callate, viejo! You're swerving, Garcia. But I ain't hatin'. Knottamean? Weeoo weeoo. (Originally published in 2010)
     
45. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-30 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-30 Pub. Date: 2012-04-30
Image Number: 47221
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh wants you to WHAT? Take point on the big P.F. Chang's deal in Arizona tomorrow. Did you tell him you didn't want to go to Arizona, not until they repeal that law that might force cops to persecute Latinos? Thank you for the opportunity, Sir. I can't wait! ... I believe my principled stand was wasted on him. (Originally published in 2010)
     
46. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-01 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-01 Pub. Date: 2012-04-01
Image Number: 77568
Caption: I'm tired of opportunists pretending there's some sort of "War on women." … Just because in the states, we're trying to de-fund Planned Parenthood, repeal equal pay enforcement acts, and force women to undergo unnecessary medical procedures. … And just because we're trying to make sure women can only have contraceptive coverage in their health insurance if their bosses decide they can. None of that has anything to do with women. It's all about freedom. Besides, if chicks has less nookie, they wouldn't have to pay so much for the pill. That's not how the pill works. I have a constitutional right to decide how the pills does and doesn't work.
     
47. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-06 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-06 Pub. Date: 2011-12-06
Image Number: 31624
Caption: "Promotion: (noun) the act of raising someone to a higher position or rank." See, sir? It IS a real word. Oh ... IS it? Sir, you can't refute a fact just by questioning it in a cynical tone of voice while raising one eyebrow. Oh, CAN'T I? No, you can't. (Published originall on 2009-04-14)
     
48. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-13 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-13 Pub. Date: 2011-10-13
Image Number: 66568
Caption: What are you going to do now? I don’t know. What do you want to do? I have no desires. None. That's because I'm here. If I were not here, you wouldn’t need to know what I'm going to do in order to decide what you're going to do. You would recognize your own desires. They would be paramount. You would act on them. Pretend I'm not here. I want to go ice skating. That's stupid, I don't want to do that.
     
49. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-19 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-19 Pub. Date: 2011-06-19
Image Number: 62129
Caption: On today's Sunday Morning Political Show, we discuss the extension of the Patriot Act. Here to discuss this President Obama from 2011. Thanks, Tom. The Patriot Act helps us spy on terrorists in the USA, helping us thwart vague threats I won't bother to tell you about. Renewing it was just plain right. Our next guest: Senator Obama from 2005. Hello, Tom. This legislation puts government above the law. Warrantless searches ... No right to appeal ... This is just plain wrong. Tom, me from 2005 I naive and a threat to national security. Tom, me from 2011 is a power-mad tyrant.
     
50. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-21 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-21 Pub. Date: 2011-04-21
Image Number: 59960
Caption: I've thought about how I could someday retire in a way that'll let me buy things, travel and enjoy life. Really? Good for you! I thought, the way the economy's going, I'll never be able to actually retire. Huh? So I might as well act like I'm retired now, so when I'm old I'll at least have the memories of my pre-emptive retirement. I see you've also decided to have pre-emptive dementia. I like to look at the bright side of total economic catastrophes.
     
51. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-10 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-10 Pub. Date: 2011-04-10
Image Number: 59402
Caption: Do you really think Kelly is capable of loving you? Huh? Kelly says all the right things to make you feel she needs you and understands you better than anyone ever could. That she's your "soul mate." She makes you feel alive. That's why you stubbornly ignore all the signs that show she odes not love you. She's using you to fulfill her own need for power and control. That's why every time you show her she's got you, she gets bored or annoyed and stops talking to you. Make no mistake, when she's not talking with you, she's seducing other people. The act of winning a man's unconditional love is the ultimate high, for her. It makes HER feel alive. She'll be back as soon as she tires of them or thinks she's losing you. But i text her every to tell her she's losing me, and she still hasn't come back.
     
52. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-23 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-23 Pub. Date: 2011-03-23
Image Number: 58863
Caption: What do you mean, what tsunami? The one in Japan! Don't you ever watch the news? No I don't watch the news. The news gonna tell me: politicians corrupt? Nature kill people? People kill people? Celebrities act like fools? Only the names and places change, but the story always the same: we fragile animals here for just a minute before we gone; and while we here, we sometimes wreak havoc, but sometimes we help each other. Only you can make ignorance sound wise. Thanks, dawg. But lots of people can do that.
     
53. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-08 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-08 Pub. Date: 2011-02-08
Image Number: 57039
Caption: Before I hear opening statements, I want to make an opening statement of my own … No judge wants to preside over a child custody hearing. They're spiteful and rife with negative campaigning. Parents act like politicians, attacking their opponent's character instead of making a case for themselves. I will not stand for that in my courtroom. @#$%&#!!! There goes our whole case! You may proceed.
     
54. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-08-27 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-08-27 Pub. Date: 2010-08-27
Image Number: 51240
Caption: Cathy. I love you, Mom! I don't know why I get so defensive and crazy around you. I know, sweetie. I clipped some newspaper stories on the subject! Here are some magazine articles! Pamphlets from the drugstore! Coupons for … !@$%, you throw one more piece of paper at me, I'ma put yo @$* in a rest home and never visit you. CUT! Take 37. What! Tha's how it REALLY go down, knottamean? I can't work like this.
     
55. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-15 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-15 Pub. Date: 2010-01-15
Image Number: 42961
Caption: Oh don't act so insulted. My friend Lemont's engaged to this evil woman who's totally wrong for him. I've tried talking sense into him for years, Dick. Years. I didn't know what else to do. So you told him you were madly in love with ME … … So he'd know what it felt like to have a friend who's involved with the "scum of the Earth." Well, it WAS you who tried to have me deported. That was never proven.
     
56. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-07 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-07 Pub. Date: 2009-06-07
Image Number: 34737
Caption: Hear that? Hear what? Thunder. Ok, ok, I get it. Paper are in trouble. You can stop with the performance art. But I've got lighting.
     
57. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-06 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-06 Pub. Date: 2009-05-06
Image Number: 32172
Caption: In an alternate universe where the events of 1948 happen instead in 2009… A day of reckoning! The civilized world demands either prison or death for the Japanese who ordered torture of Allied war prisoners! President Barack Obama himself says the civilized world must hold these sadists accountable for their inhuman acts of torture! ...And that's why he vows to protect them all from prosecution! Wait, that can't be... Clyde, you been messing with the copy again?
     
58. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-27 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-27 Pub. Date: 2009-03-27
Image Number: 31151
Caption: Give it up one more time for Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, erebody. Clap. Yeh, all right. An' he wants y'all to know he'll be appearin' next Thursday down at day-day's car wash for the next leg of his "Get people we've belittled and demonized for decades to like us tour." Next up, make some noise for my main man, the original gangsta, the big... the bad... HENRY KISSINGER! "Da k-sizzle in da hizzhouse." What does this even mean, Michael Steele?
     
59. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-23 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-23 Pub. Date: 2009-03-23
Image Number: 31147
Caption: Meanwhile, in the city… Where are you taking me?! Where are you taking me?! Make some noise one more time for my man Joaquin Phoenix! Clap. Yeh. All right. Man, this club is wack. It ain't that bad. Next up, we got someone new to the stage… Erebody make some noise for Republic National Committee Chairman MICHAEL STEELE! I'm going to Denny's. Y'all like bling? The GOP's got ya' bling. What!
     
60. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-02 act 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-02 Pub. Date: 2009-02-02
Image Number: 29873
Caption: C-Dog. Your new track's tight. Whachoo call it? "Obama-rama." Love it, dude. It's positive. Hopeful. Inspires me to be a better man. Don't tell nobody, dawg, but… It made me cry. …Dude. Not CRY cry, jus'… y' know, what had happened was, it was raining, an' I confused that with tears.
     
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